Hi Readers!

What did you do on this lovely Saturday? Did you sleep in and watch Netflix? Did you cook and clean like I did? Did you go to brunch, and evening party, the club? (Some of you are at the club as I type). Well, if you’re like me, you caught up with old friends and your dad. You cooked, cleaned, did laundry, and cleared out your clutter—-some of it.

For weeks now, I have been wanting to get to clearing out some stuff that has just been clogging my mind. If you’re like me, then cleaning, reorganizing, and decluttering is something not only therapeutic but detoxifying. Aaaaah, it feeeeeellllsss sooooo goooood. Am I right? Mmmm. The feeling of throwing away items that you haven’t used in a long while. The feeling of a basket of items now looking smaller. The feeling of discovering where items you thought were lost or you didn’t know you had. And the feeling of knowing where everything is (yes I am breaking many grammar rules here). I still have ways to go before I move out of my townhouse but I’m completely looking forward to the change but also overwhelmed at the amount of books that I accumulated. Oh well. I’ve always wanted to have a library so this is just the beginning—seriously, I want to have my own library.

 

Anywhoo, it’s a new beginning for me. A new year—yeah? Well, I say that because these two years have been tough financially and downsizing to a smaller home is going to alleviate me from some of the stresses of expenses. I’m praying for a real vacation because I can most certainly use one and I most definitely need one. Apart from that, I am in the process of leaving a relationship. I say process because fro me, it doesn’t happen overnight. unfortunately, I suffer from severe attachments. This individual, while still in my life, won’t occupy much of my time and it has allowed me to shift my focus. Again…I’m always having to refocus because I am so easily distracted that it is sad.

It is a time for clarity, physically, spiritually, and mentally clearing out my mind. I may sound like a broken record because I am very preoccupied with making some life changes; getting back in touch with my artistic life and it has been—-oh boy, lost my train of thought but it has been pivotal fro me. It’s also something that I —-oh wait! it came back to me! It has started with writing because I am so very determined to have a life of writing; there’s no telling where this blog will take me. By now, if you’re reading this, then you’ll now know that at the time of writing this, I didn’t publicize my blog until it has been 1 month (really I want to do 3 months but i don’t think I can anticipate waiting that long) of daily writing. OMG! Guys! If I accomplish this (and I will) —omg it will be record-breaking!!! wow! write for 31 days straight?! that’s amazing. I am really meeting my goals! One being to have a life of writing. i am amazed that I have made it this far!!! omg, it has almost been two weeks!!! I’m so stoked.

Anywhoo…back to clarity. There’s no perfect time for a cleansing and to think things through. Gotta make room for great ideas—I believe this is going to be a WONDERFUL year. Deep inside (and on the surface), I’m super excited. I’m learning who I am and what makes me happy. I’m learning my role here and I was created to be the artist that I am! hahahahaha—I’m laughing inside because I am excited. With that said, I’m writing and I signed up for NY Casting—let’s see where this all goes!!! man, so excited.

Good Night Readers.

Signed,

The Writer

Hi Readers!

Today, I am thinking about letting go. In some ways doing so is easy and in other ways it seems almost impossible for me. I know that when I’m eager to fulfill a role but then find that all odds are against me, I then know it’s time to move on. While I may very well justify every reason for why things are wrong or should be another way, or even how I am not the antagonist in the situation, once I learn that it’s not worth fighting for any longer, I relinquish all my energy to it and simply let go and move on.

Today, felt like the aftermath of doing that. I felt more at east than I ever have before since my job change and it was because I stopped trying to make a difference. It’s not so much about giving up or quitting but for me, it’s about realizing that perhaps this was what I should’ve done all along—to start with. I should’ve played it easy and came on board without a strong arm but would I have accomplished as much as I have now?

All I know is that it feels good to not worry or get worked up or dwell on anything, especially when I know there are no limits to where the sky can take you!

On another note, I don’t know how to let go of certain people in my life. my heart is to soft. It doesn’t get hard. I often feel I don’t have a strong enough reason to not talk to them even when I try to justify all the reasons that I do have. I wound up looking foolish. On the other hand, it takes me a long time to finally let go of someone. I know it’s because it’s similar to the abandonment I felt as a child. I imagine that psychologically, it’s the same trauma I am always trying to avoid and the pain is too real. Whenever I do try to let someone go it hurts. why does it hurt so much.

I’ve managed to let go quite a few people in my life but it didn’t come quickly and it didn’t come easy. It came with heartache, perseverance, and many mistakes and lessons.

Anywhoo, pray for me —pray for me to give my heart back to God in the way that He wants it. sleepy….night night.

Signed,

 

The Writer

 

Hi Readers!

 

It’s Thursty Thursday. Currently, I am doing some soul searching, some back tracking, some revisiting to who I am.

I’m in a place where I’m not sure what I want to do for work. Don’t get me wrong, I know what kind of career I want to have but in between, as I work on preparing fro graduate school, I am looking for a more fulfilling job —-I’m scared that I will never find contentment in work and that I may find myself dissatisfied each time. It’s worse than actually looking for a job.

I have had some rough experiences in my last few jobs and I’m thinking that perhaps I’m not much of a people person or that I’m not utilizing my artistic side so I’m misplaced and that I’m just not happy because of that and it shows through each time. I worry about what people think and these people I no longer see. I’m always wondering, man they must be talking real bad about me…

Silly right? I’ve always wanted to leave a good impression but apparently, it doesn’t work out that way for me. I’m never connecting with people in the way that I intend and I seem to offend everyone. I’ve been dealing with labels and such and I’m like man, maybe there is something really wrong with me or perhaps I’m just inside my head? It seems people keep seeing something that I don’t understand– it bugs me so much. Half the time, I’m minding my business and BOOM, someone has something to say. I’m sorry I’m not always the most social person so of course that leaves room for people to interpret me however. I’m a writer and writers live inside of their heads. I’ve learned that being in group settings within work environments may not be the best for me but I feel like those are where some of the best jobs exist..I don’t know…

Today, I decided to sign up on a casting site—you know for acting gigs, perhaps some modeling, and maybe a bit of voiceover—I like doing voiceovers. I need to break out of this traditional, redundant lifestyle and tap into my creative side. My artistic side has been dying and I think that’s what people are seeing on top of the fact that I have not traveled or had a vacation in…forever…a relaxed vacation. I’ve traveled for business trips but I have not been relaxed since the first and last real vacation I had in 2014. That’s 5 years counting so if people feel I’m “intimidating”, “angry”, “aggressive, ” or “negative”—all the labels I’ve gotten, then that’s why. I mean this hurts and I’m trying to figure out what it is—truth be told, I’m unhappy with my jobs and half the time frustrated. I’m not living. I’ve just been working to pay bills and I told myself along time ago that this would not be the person who I would be but that I would have financial success and live my life as an entrepreneur. That has been a lost dream ever since I stopped the business. I have been trying to get out of this pit and I see the light yet I can’t experience it’s warmth enough to get me out of here.

Well anywhoo, I’m going to do a couple of personality and job tests—I can’t find the first one that I did…it said I was an executive. When I did a business, around 10 years ago, a successful entrepreneur at first glance, right at the handshake told me that I was going to be an executive. Later in life, as I was entering my father’s house, and a man told me that I love knowledge and that I should study law…? haha – law. I mean I can argue but I definitely never pictured myself as a lawyer. I even entertained the idea. Am I missing my calling? lol Now that I’m going to study social work, I’ve been doubting that as well…it’s just a fear of success thing I believe you know…I think I have already told you this. ok here we go. Whatever you do in life, whatever you face, don’t give up…the answer will come.

talk to you later.

Signed,

The Writer

 

Hey Readers,

It’s a new day—night 🙂 I’m up thinking. Thinking how when people see you as vulnerable, they often take that for weakness or worse, they treat you like a charity case Have you ever felt like someone supported you or was there for you because they felt bad for you but in actuality, they didn’t bother to really be a friend to you? See, friends are generally on the same page. Side by side. We all have various types of people in our life: some are mentors, some are counselors, some are therapists, some are spiritual parents and so forth. But how do you handle the people that may start out as friends but when they discover certain things about you, the way that they interact with you changes?

I knew someone who saw me in a very vulnerable state and I couldn’t understand why she was being so kind to until I moved to learn that that’s how far the connection would not go. I’m sure she means well but see, I’m someone who has experienced a lot of life experience (as many of us do) and someone feeling bad for me or coddling me or whatever you want to call it is the last thing I need or desire. I value my friendships and making new friends and I find it pretty insulting when someone looks at you that way. It says that they don’t really know anything about you and often it is this savior complex that people have. I only have on Savior and His name is Jesus.

Anywhoo, I felt like sharing that because it has been bothering me. I called someone just to connect and it turned into this underlining idea that I was calling them because I needed something by the way they asked me questions and such. It was just uncomfortable. It could very well be an insecurity of mine but I really don’t think so. Then the call ended quickly and did not feel like they were as present.

Never let anyone make you feel lesser then. When necessary, let them know what you want, what you’re looking for and make it clear in your most subtle way that you’re not one to be underestimated.

Alrighty then, it’s time for bed.

Good night readers,

Signed,

The Writer

 

P.S so glad I’m not dwelling on work though…

Hi Readers!

Today (actually January 28th) marks 7 days of writing. That is record breaking for me!

I wanted to take a moment just to check in with my goals.

Each day I’ve been consistent in some of my main goals (I don’t say all goals because this is the beginning process and everything take time).

I’ve managed to continue to make my bed everyday and so far, almost one month! I say to folks that not making my bed was a deliberate choice so getting back into the groove was not a hard thing since it’s something I’ve been doing my whole life.

I have been listening to my Bible each day as it is my goal to read through the entire Bible by December 31st.

I’ve been stretching each day and have incorporated yoga again. This has been a highlight for me since I pride in both things. My goal is to become flexible so that I can do a split!

I’ve improved in going grocery shopping so far and have been drinking my breakfast smoothie each day!

Slowly but surely, I’m eating a lot better than what I have done over the passed few months.

I’ve consistently been reading my goals twice per week and it has helped me to focus.

I’ve mostly managed to shower on time! Showering at a certain time ensures that I can end my night well.

What I would like to continue to work on is my weekly planning, taking Uber less, doing my hair, going to bed on time, and writing.

Stay tuned for more details.

Happy reading!

Signed,

Your writer

Hi Readers,

I wanna make this short but I’m not sure if I will be able to do so. I do know that it’s important for me to get out this message before 12am. I had another day where I battled inwardly. There are many details that I would like to share but for safety, I keep a certain amount of information confidential in the public eye until it’s time to reveal more detail.

Today, I experienced despair and anger. When I look at the inner-city community, it drives me insane to see the condition of some of my people and to continuously experience how we are treated as a people. I waited for a bus for around 45 minutes and I witnessed a large teen fight break out and it made me feel an overwhelming amount of hopelessness. Every-time I see things like this, I wonder if the work I have been doing my whole life is making a real difference. Is it? Has it? What are we doing? Where are we going? Are we making a difference?

I want to boycott the metro because of how poorly they run in the more under-served part of the city. It’s something that has constantly run across my mind. There has to be something done. Where do I begin? I’ll reach out to our council and community people I suppose. If I can be a voice for the community and then multiply my voice, we could make a difference. Almost every day I take the bus and train, I imagine myself passing out surveys requesting people’s input and saying, “we have to speak up and speak out” – something of that nature. It feels so degrading—I feel lesser than because I can’t receive good service that I would if I were in a White neighborhood. I expressed my frustrations to the bus driver and he said, “you can always email”. He also empathized with me and understood…there is actually work to be done. i am really feeling led to do something about this.

Later I cried because I feel like I’m at a dead end. Just the other day, I was saying that i have to put more positive energy into the world and I’ve started but there’s no such thing as perfection because at work, I was right back with complaining. I thought, there must be something wrong with me. Why am I on this roller coaster? Then I thought, I think Im struggling with depression. I’m up and I’m down. I know it. I know others know it. I don’t feel balanced…not everyday. I’m working towards a balance and some days I feel it but some days I’m like what the heck.

I realize that I’m unhappy because ever since I left Boston, I have been taking on jobs where I’m not fulfilling my calling. A purpose that calls me each and every day. I said to my former high school principle, I feel like I’m whatever the equivalent or similar to dying is. I’ve watched a movie and now a series that both involves two women who love to write and I said to myself, this must be a sign. I’ve been searching and thinking what the heck am I supposed to be doing right now and for the past week I’ve been writing. I want to write! I’ve been thinking I have no clue what I should be doing outside of preparing for graduate school and now that I’m pursuing that, that even scares me a little; what if I find out that I don’t want to do that? After spending my whole life being preoccupied with pursuing social work? Initially, it seems scary but a great part of me also feels that it will be a huge relief. But then I would think back on the time when I wept about discovering that pursuing social work was my God-given realization. Then I would think, so I put on a performance? No. I think it’s just all fear because that was no performance. I wept uncontrollably as if I had finally seen the light after being in the dark for a long time. It was there all along but there was a blind fold over my eyes, for obvious reasons: not being ready.

I felt the need to call my high school teachers who are both actresses and writers and I felt like I needed to reconnect with a part of me that I had been out of touch with for so long. i didn’t get to speak with them but I’m hoping that I do soon. I could use a bit of art resuscitation. I wanna write, I wanna perform, I wanna create, and i just wanna be the artist that I am. I am determined to get back to my artistic life. I dream of it everyday. I will. I will. For so long, I’ve been fulfilling roles that honestly, I feel out of place with. They have not felt right. I think it’s part of the reason I jump to a job quickly because I know it will pay the bills but it won’t fulfill my passions. Everything I think of seems more and more less of a fit. When I do run from my passion and my interests, I find myself lost. It’s time that I stop running. Starting with graduate school. In this interim, I must fulfill my passion in some way. Honestly, doing this blog and to have written for 6 days consecutively is a miracle. I have not done this probably since high school and really I can’t recall if I had written everyday then. I am breaking new barriers right now. This is only the beginning. Keep journeying along with me.

Thank you for taking the time to read.

Signed,

 

The Writer

 

P.S the more I call myself the more I become just that.

Hi Readers!

ok…ummm, first of all, my title is entirely too many things to talk about and two, this blog is turning into something I don’t think I intended it to be but truth be told, that is how it is being a writer; you can’t help but tell your truth so I guess I will have to keep it real in the sense that I’m just not going to talk about my daily progress but also my daily experiences because there’s an awful lot of goodness there 😉

This morning, I woke up, not to an alarm but of course to the good Lord’s grace! Thank God for another day :). I realized the hour and being tied between getting ready for Sunday school (an hour earlier than actual Sunday service) and preparing for our church’s first missions interest meeting at our house. Honestly, I love hosting and I love setting up; I just don’t take the initiative to do it unless the opportunity is there. Event planning was something I loved to do in college and there after a bit. I wasn’t in love with it but I found joy in it. This time it was different because I got to serve my family—my church. Constantly, I see this being done: various people hosting events in their home and my sister roommie always wanting to host something as well. It has rubbed off on me in a way I did not intend as someone who is quite introverted (don’t get me wrong, I love to laugh and be around people but I’m not much of an event planner in my home). On the other hand, I have always dreamed of hosting events in my home but I always envisioned it with my husband…lol Also, it has been a vision that me and my sister roommie had for this house.

Anywhoo, having a house full of people who stuck around for an extra hour and some change to just sit around and chat was beautiful. I think it changed me then. It felt wonderful to be surrounded by people who love God and who are considering ways in serving Him, such as traveling to different countries and continents to share the Gospel. Then knowing that I’ve taken the time to build relationships with these people—and that they have served me and have taken initiative to connect with me also warms up my heart to have them in our home. I just had to sit back for a moment and think like wow, I feel at home. It’s a feeling I haven’t quite felt. I was thinking about my siblings and how much we are alike: people who tend to keep to ourselves. I think we all ended up being like our mother more than we may realize—a woman who kept to herself. I thought about my siblings like man, I get it, coming out of the shell is a foreign thing. You can do it. I did it. I’m not the same person I used to be just 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 years ago (thank God– I say that personally and not in comparison to my siblings). I am truly in a totally new and different element. I loved being around people but on my terms and with limitations because I knew getting too close was not a thing for me. Today I felt like I wanted to be around these people much more. Since me and my sister roommie are moving, we are truly looking forward to making our next home a home for all 🙂

My fuzziness exists in two places: opening my home to others and having a familiar but a missed praise and worship experience today. While I am apart of a pretty reformed church, and might I add, it has been a wonderful blessing in so many ways that I could probably shed a few tears (but I won’t), the praise and worship here my now home was something that was definitely foreign to me. I was able to get with it because there was and is just too many other things to just make a silly decision to pass up a wonderful church home just because the praise and worship experience is not like what I grew up knowing: the lights, the live drums, the choruses and choirs, and of course I can’t forget the vocalists themselves. I have had the some of the most incredible emotional praise and worship experiences but a lot of it was pure emotion. If we know our Bibles then we know that is not Biblical since we are called to worship in spirit and truth. The clapping, dancing, and shouting should reflect our lives in the sense that our lives are just as lively, vibrant, and “lit” for God as our praise and worship experience is on Sundays—the gist of what our loving and wise pastor said today. I couldn’t agree more and only hope that a lot of our churches, especially Black churches would be convicted by this Gospel-centered truth. All this to say, I’m deeply appreciative that as we grow as a church, we can welcome more gifts of singing and worship leaders —worship leaders that you gather live a faithful life in Christ and genuinely usher you into a worship experience. As I sang the songs, I believed them, I was thankful: “Great is your mercy towards me. Your love and kindness towards me. Your tender mercy, I see. Day after Day. Forever faithful towards me. Always providing for me.”

As a single woman, over the last 6 years, I have leaned more towards singleness than marriage (although my actions and mindset have not always matched this). I was the young woman that had the fairytale idea of marriage and thought if I was married, it meant I made it and arrived. It meant that I had overcome my battles. It meant that I was no longer a lesser woman: single that is. My my my, what poor thinking. But it was pretty much what I was taught at a church that always emphasized marriage and pushing folks to get married and always pointing out how being singleness would lead to marriage when you were ready. I won’t ever forget the post of a female pastor posting a photo of several single women in wedding gowns on valentines and mentioning in a caption that you have to put out there what you want…..hahahahhahahahaha – this is not the post to get into the fact that Biblically, speaking, marriage is not promised to everyone and that if we are in a season of singleness, then we ought to be content. If we can’t, we should pray, seek counsel, and walk through Scripture on how to understand some of the things that Paul spoke about in being married or single. But I won’t get into that now but I will say that after Sunday school today, I have considered my singleness even more. Yes, marriage sounds nice. I know its nice in many ways but as pastor said, it has its hard times just like being single and neither are above the other.

I know that my whole life as a single woman, I have desired to be with someone and many times, I have been with someone. I would say I am still with someone. I have always had the desire to just have a season where I was not longing for male companionship. When I do, the season is months and more recently, a year. I would love to experience a season of 2 years alone. Then maybe three—I don’t know if that will be the case but if I”m still single in three years, then yes, three years. How do I get there as a woman who always longs for male companionship? I never fail to have someone around the corner. An old friend. A former lover….I wear my heart on my sleeve and I’m a keeper! 🙂 huuuhhh. but they need to let go and I need to let go. Another story for another day.

Today, it wrung loud in my head, I need discipleship. I need discipleship. I need someone to walk me through this life. I need spiritual parents. Would you be my dad?

I know if I just have someone there who knows me spiritually, whom I can trust, someone gentle enough to understand where I come from and walk with me, I could do this. I’ve tried long enough on my own.

It’s easy for believers to understand where I am coming from but I know that unbelievers struggle with this. Let me help you understand: no one likes to be attached to chains unless of course they want to. In other words, I don’t like the idea of feeling like I am addicted to a need or a slave to it. It’s just like the drug addict wanting to be free but can’t be free so they find themselves right back where they started. It’s like always climbing a wall that you just keep sliding back down. Or better, I just want to discover my own potential of what I can accomplish without being distracted by a man that I doubt, very well may love for various reasons, but know in my spirit and heart that they are not for me—because they’re not for God which brings me to my last and most important point: I desire to please God with my life. I feel like I say that more often than I actually live it—hey, the raggedy life of a saved sinner. If I love God then I love His Word and His Word reads that I should be obedient and faithful—that I should run this race and persevere under trial. I want to do just that.

I’m learning more that being single is a season for me to wrap myself in the things of God without having the responsibilities of being a married woman where I have to share myself, my ideas, my decisions, my thoughts and so forth–of course if you follow the marriage of the Bible and not the world—another topic? While I’m not a parent, I don’t have the responsibility of being a mother either. The opportunities are endless. Who wouldn’t want to take advantage of that? The more I see the family life, the less I want it lol—that’s not a bitter thought or reaction, it’s just the truth that the world doesn’t want to admit. The world wants to put marriage—from the engagement to the wedding and to honeymoon on a pedal stool but everyone is silent when that marriage is struggling or failing. Everyone is moving onto the next hot couple that on a very superficial level fulfills their “hopes and dreams”. The world has come to treat marriage and even dating like aesthetics. We have idolized it and marketed these things just like a product of a business. It’s quite offensive to God in the fact that in the world, marriage is not generally respected or honored when a divorce happens faster than the vows are spoken. Nonetheless….I think that as I prepare for school and learn more about what loving other looks like in 2019, essentially, I am learning how to live out my life as a single woman. I’d rather stay single but I don’t know if that will be the case forever (if a man sweeps me off my feet —no realistically, he probably won’t do that lol). I guess we will see. Overall, I have experienced love in many ways…just in this day alone.

Thanks for reading friends. First longest post.

Signed,

The Writer

 

Hello Readers!

How kind of you to stop in today.

I wanted to share a quick note. Today, I slightly read an email that made me frustrated for a quick second and before I spoke words, I stopped myself. As I’ve mentioned before, I want to quit complaining as it doesn’t serve me well and has caused me to give off negative energy and just really has not served me well. Today I stopped myself from spewing a complaint. I said to my sisters that I want to learn to express my frustrations in a way that doesn’t channel negativity. It’s worth the practice for me.

Again, what has brought me here is the side effects of complaining and sending out negative vibrations. Words hold power and energy and I don’t want to swim in negative words and energy. Every now and then we my find ourselves venting or expressing a frustration but how we do it can make all the difference. I have become far more conscious about this and I believe it’s God’s grace being extended to me because I could’t come up with this stuff. Just the idea in wanting to do better in this area seems very eye-opening for someone that is very used to complaining (and with anger or high frustration). I always viewed it as necessary for me to “express myself” but I’m starting to realize that it has been badly effecting me and how people view me—in a way that I don’t intend…just like he said, “I don’t think you mean to come off that way.”

I’m so very thankful that I have come to this place to recognize the need to change and grow in this area of my life. What brought me here is the constant pain of hearing others say negative things to me or about me. It seems as though the negative information that I put out shows up in different ways. It feels like it shows up as an invisible monster standing next to me that I can’t understand in how people see it and I don’t, especially when I’m focused elsewhere thinking that I’m giving off good energy. While I do believe there are times when people do falsely label you, I also have been led to this point simply because I always say that I’m being positive but in other areas of my life I was not. There’s no such thing as being partially something —you either are or you’re not.

I’m so very thankful to pause. reflect. regroup. re-channel. and fly in the direction of peace, love, and gratitude. 

Thank you for reading.

Signed,

The Writer

 

Hello Readers,

It’s 11:28pm and I lay in bed with one eye open, wanting to bury my face in my pillow. I left work almost at 9, did some minor grocery shopping, and came home.

I can barely write this blog post but I wanna keep my streak alive!

When I was at the bank today, I noticed how talkative and upbeat I was – I watched myself and thought where is all this energy coming from? Is it really because of my new found realization of needing to put positive energy into the universe? Well it felt great and anytime I am that way, I want to be that way every day! Haha wishful thinking.

I partially was that way because of someone who had already viewed me in a negative way and felt the need to draw on that. So to avoid having negative feelings, I decided to look the other way with a smile. Look the other way with a warm conversation. I couldn’t bring myself to engage so I looked the other way with a bit of joy.

As I said, other people’s perception of you doesn’t have to be yours.

Anywhoo, Gnite . Reader…Until next time.

Signed,

The Writer

Good Night Readers,

Yesterday felt like a disaster but it seems like my prayers are being answered. It seems what took place had to shake me up a bit. It caused me to do deep reflection and I will tell you the truth, i didn’t expect to draw any conclusions this soon. God is so good. This is all Him because I tell you, I can’t come up with this stuff.

Something I took as threatening to my personhood turned around to be enlightening for me. I had a mind-shift and I realized my need to put out more positive energy into the world.

I recognize that one, I have the opportunity to make a great change with a challenge at hand. I could either run or I could stay and make a difference. I have been negative in ways that I was blind to which has left me frustrated at other’s perceptions. I have been claiming to not be these things but many times I speak and how I speak, it’s not coming out right. I have been negative in various areas of my life so it wouldn’t be hard to be perceived that way even when I think I have it under control in some settings. I hadn’t quite understood but it’s the energy spilling over into other areas of my life that I didn’t realize.

Energy is alive and vibrates creating ripple effects. It’s contagious and strong. It can either be good or bad. You can’t fake positivity and you can’t hide negativity. You can’t even hide positivity. All that to say that complaining serves no purpose but to ruin mindsets, suck you of energy, distract you from your focus, and literally steal, kill, and destroy  (ok talking Bible for a moment) your potential—it’s a great loser and a great failure, a great deception—a great blinder. Don’t be fooled. I’ve been fooled so many times. I’ve trapped myself with complaint. I hear an echo of my words and thoughts. I feel my own vibrations tormenting me but I am grateful to realize this because now I can move forward but this didn’t take place until I realized what was holding me back from tackling my goals and essentially, it was myself wrapped in all of this. Once you realize that you’re smothered in itchy dry layers, you start to peel them back one by one and find a beautiful, soft, fresh skin beneath. That’s what I’m starting to feel like right now. I can either be reactive or proactive and while some things may be wrong, I can turn that wrong into a right simply because I have control over how I decide to channel information. Other’s reality doesn’t have to be your reality.

I’ve failed many times but I sense a new me coming on. Success starts with a lot of failure but when you begin to find what works, blossoms happen because of the mind-shift.

My mind-shift gave me the determination to be to work at 9am when i could’ve gone later. My mind-shift caused me to soften a bit when situations tempt me in becoming callous. My mind-shift has allowed me to stay focused today and study for the GRE. My mind-shift allowed me to have a peaceful day and to accomplish my tasks. My mind shift allowed me to prep, cook, and clean in just a half hour. My hopes and perseverance is to resist the temptation of negative channeling. I don’t have to go down that road. I can avoid it because I want feel at peace and I want others to recognize that so that I may be an effective helper in the world.

My mind-shift has been an awakening experience. Today. And I most certainly look forward to tomorrow. I know it won’t be perfection but it’s a start. I still have to resist the easy road.

Good night reader.

signed,

The Writer