Dear Blog…Dear Readers

Wow, it’s been a long time since I’ve seen you and talked with you. We sure did start off on a great foot. I really thought we were getting somewhere. Whatever did happen? I’ll have to look back at that soon. But what I do know is that here is a clean slate. While I did fall off, that hard work is starting to pay off. While I have not been blogging, I still have been writing and I plan to share with you all (or most) of what I have been writing. Are you excited to journey with me? Boy…this feels new and I am completely excited.

Where should we start? Well…let’s start with how I got here….you must know the back story. That will be the best and then we can move forward.

Since 2019, when I really started to take writing a bit more seriously, it was tough but it has brought me this far. I have not stopped writing since. I don’t think I ever stopped writing. It just has been a very slow gradual journey. I do not think people really understand what that means. We expect to get to point b with speed. It’s truly not a sprint. In between each point is a wide and vast field of growth opportunity and we don’t ever know what the journey is going to look like. It’s an unknown and it’s true: the unknown really scares people because we are not in control. All we can do is do and hope that the chips will land where we want them to land.

The journey of growth and the journey to success is one of faith, belief, determination, persistence, and planning. Napoleon Hill said it best and he only told the truth. You will not find knowing the details of what that looks like because it’s about traveling a road in courage—enough courage to be broken down and built up—shaped into something new; you will not be your old self; you will become a new you.

It’s about letting go of your own expectations of yourself that you set up to be in a place where you are not quite yet; it is dying to harmful pride and gaining the willingness to learn. It’s about letting go and letting be with all the right tools that it takes to get there. Often, it’s admitting that you did mess up. Sometimes it means getting hurt a long the process or finding yourself disappointed in yourself because you finally realized your own potential and worth. It’s burying the idea of comparing your journey to others and allowing your wings to really spread because of that. It’s sometimes burying old thinking or past failings that you have held against yourself.

Along the way, you will grab hold of epiphanies and learn that your true loving purpose was there all along to hold you up. You will learn that you no longer have to run from yourself. On the journey of growth towards success it’s sometimes waking up to realize that you are good enough and capable of doing that one thing you never thought you could. It’s a path of earning your confidence, strength, power, endurance, and building your will to do.

In all truth, it’s not the journey to success it’s the journey of success because this, with variations for each individual person, is what it looks like. When you let go of your mapped out blueprint, the fear of failure, when you let go of perfection…there you will find the ability to go beyond what you ever imagined. It sure does start in your head..and your heart.

That’s kind of in a nutshell of what my really rough journey of almost 10 years has been about. Around 7-8 years ago, I had no idea of how to plan but I attempted to try anyhow. Just 3 years ago, my goals were great but too lofty an along the way, I have learned more about myself but also the importance of really meeting yourself where you are and learning how to build a custom feasibility for myself. Just two years ago, I learned to stop beating up myself when I failed and it has helped me to grow more. And now I know a patience with myself that I did not know before. You really do have to be kind to yourself…and in the process. As long as you continue to keep going, you will get there. And if you’re not there yet, you will surely see the fruit as long as you keep going. I’m grateful for the fruit that I’ve seen. It’s utterly refreshing and one of the best feelings ever.

thanks for reading and I hope that your soul was blessed.

Quita

It’s easy to walk around smiling, laughing, holding in-fluctuations in your voice to seem pleasant and excitable, greeting people with hugs that we need more than they do, working to feel valued or validated, working harder than we can perceive because we fear failure and want to hide from dealing with what’s in front of us, or whatever it may be that keeps us separate from the anxiety, depression, loneliness, and/or frustration that is on standby waiting to devour us. But when you recognize who God is in your life, you don’t have to depend on your own strength to love others or to “keep on pushing’ because there’s a Holy One that intercedes for us when we are weak, when we are weary, when we don’t understand, when we don’t have the answers, when we want to give up, and when we find ourselves stuck or lost.

I say all this to say that the power of God is greater than our trials and tribulations, greater than our doubts and worries, greater than our fears, and greater than any and every burden that we carry. Again, I say all of this because God’s love for us, within us, and to us helps us with our love for others.

This year for me has been about addressing heart issues and loving others through my own weaknesses and burdens and that has looked like all sorts of scenarios and levels. For several years now, I have felt the uphill battle in loving others while facing my own insecurities about love. Some of these scenarios and levels are just with people I work with, with those I love deeply, and sometimes just loving myself. Sometimes it looks like repenting of my thoughts that aren’t pleasing to God and other times it’s walking in forgiveness for my wrong or being wronged. Sometimes it’s been turning the other cheek which can be one of the hardest things. Sometimes it’s pushing passed thoughts and feelings that don’t demonstrate loving God just to show that I love God. Other times it’s making myself available, perhaps in serving, or being there for someone I don’t normally gravitate towards. Much of it has been about taking the focus off of myself in conversations and being more focused in getting to know the other person. It’s always being intentional about connecting with others and praying for others. It has only been the beginning but a budding flower. 

For a little more than two years now, I found myself having a desire to grow in my relationships with others yet still not fully reconciled with some in my life. Since moving out of Boston, I would pick up where I left off which at the time, was at a new small community church in my neighborhood that started out as Bible studies. In 2012, prior to attending this new small church plant, I had left the church where I grew up and that’s when my prayer was to be apart of a community-oriented/family-oriented church. I felt that for over 10 years, I was disconnected from my teenage church home in a way that  I didn’t understand. It didn’t matter how many ministries I was apart of or how often I showed up on a youth Friday, I could never really connect and sure didn’t know how to outside of that. I truly felt on the outside and lonely.

When I left Boston and moved to D.C, a couple of years in, I found myself desiring deeper connections outside of the few back home that I had always knew. At this point, I had made my connections mostly surface because that was the chapter that I was in and honestly, I didn’t know any better since my whole life I had learned to be on my own. It was to the point that if others did try to connect with me deeply, it was such a foreign idea to me that it made me uncomfortable and didn’t make sense to me. I struggled to understand it and even people wired in wanting to connect with me. It caused me to either push others away or move away from them. Many times I didn’t see there desire to connect as being genuine and that was the case for me up until the start of this year. The only time I did connect with others is if I had confided in them, if I chose to cling to them when I did, or if we immediately connected which most times was because we both had faced trauma in our lives.

Sadly, I found myself losing sight of connecting deeper with others because I had given myself over to a relationship that I knew God and those in my life who followed certain standards of Biblical relationships would not have approved. This has been a constant for me because anyone knows that it’s easy to entangle yourself in sexual or intimate relationships with another person than it is to sometimes keep an honest friendship. This was just another way for me to fill my voids because if I could spend all of my time with someone, I didn’t have to feel or worry about such a thing. I now face the consequences of falling into this weakness which was a struggle for me because when others tried to connect with me, love me, and reach me, I was unavailable and wrapped in sin. To feel that relationships passed me by because of it has caused me pain. I know this is an area that has affected me in far deeper ways that is even painful to admit. On the other side, hope has not been lost.

Some reading this may know my story and some may not. I grew up in foster care and my two biggest burdens have been having a sense of belonging and feeling unloved and pretty much invisible. The concept of community reminded me of family. The thing that I had always wanted gave me a sense of fulfillment whenever I was in community with others. Early on when I recognized my desire for deeper connections, realizing that surface connections weren’t hardly enough and thanking the Lord for opening my eyes, I also desired reconciliation. This would go even further as moving outside of Boston would quickly teach me that my forever friendships could not fulfill me and that overall, relationships with others could not fulfill me. Even as I date, I learn that more and more and find myself disconnecting in the unhealthy ways that I had always attached myself. I was aware of this but not caught up on fully understanding to the point of change.

Reconciliation is one of the key things in learning to love God through the way that we love others. We cannot live a faithful lifestyle in Christ if we are attached to unforgiving matters. We can’t truly attest to the freedom in Christ because to love God is to love others, within the depths of our hearts down to our very actions. I want to point out that forgiveness does not mean stay physically or socially connected to a situation that either was painful for you or may still remind you of it.

Not too long ago, I was at a point where it was hard to see reconciliation with some because my heart was still afraid of rejection and at the same time deeply affected and disappointed. There are a couple of past relationships that have not been reconciled and require more prayer but I trust that God will bring me to that place as he did today with the ones that I saw being almost impossible. I mention reconciliation because you can’t successfully move forward in love and building long-lasting and loving connections with others when you are still holding on to the residue of your past relationships. From what I understand and have experienced over and over, you will bring that brokenness and mentality into your newer relationships because you are trying to put new wine inside old wineskins (Mark 2:22) and you will find it almost impossible to make and sustain healthy relationships. But it’s literally been God’s grace in my life for this to not only be something I’ve probably heard many times but also have truly come to understand and begin to learn to live out.

This year alone was one of my most transformative years, in the real sense that it has not been the work of my hands that has caused me to want to love others much better and to walk in forgiveness but it’s been through much prayer, witnessing great modeling of what it looks like to love others, reading and listening to other’s testimonies about God’s grace, openly connecting with others about my struggles, reading and studying Scripture and, in a short time, memorizing and meditating on God’s word. For a long time I have always wanted to know God’s word far better than I ever had. Whether it was through attending a class on new believer’s catechism, studying on my own, Bible study, or Sunday school, I wanted far more. ⁴⁰ Then he returned to his disciples and found them sleeping. “Couldn’t you men keep watch with me for one hour?” he asked Peter. ⁴¹ “Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.” This Scripture couldn’t be truer. There’s the hard battle between consistently throwing ourselves into God’s word and prayer and then the struggle with sin and pain. None of us can love others apart from knowing Christ and we can’t begin to experience the hope of Christ apart from salvation that gives us the freedom to live on and love despite the hardships of life. Christ has modeled out what love looks like and how it is to take place. Like many of us, I’ve been learning what not looking to Christ can do for you and to you. For me, I could allow my upbringing to rule me and live as though I’ve been far too victimized or traumatized to love others. I could go on, as I did for many years, trying to fix myself or I could stop and let God do the work that is not humanly possible. In some form, I could isolate myself from others because of hurt I’ve experienced or I could give those things over to Christ and trust him with the brokenness of my heart far beyond any human ability.

To trust Christ is to look to him for your return on your investment rather than another human being. To trust Christ is to decide to get on your knees and pray with tears in your eyes rather than turning yourself over to the use of sex, alcohol, or sometimes to a friend that may mean well but really doesn’t have the answer. To trust God is to turn away from seeking the approval of others and to turn to his word that tells us that we are fearfully and wonderfully made. To trust God is to seek his strength in weariness.

2 CORINTHIANS 4:16-17

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.

Over the past four years, I have been learning the power of God’s Word and the importance of digesting it. Who am I apart from Christ? “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.” (John 15:5, NIV). And nothing I have been able to do. Not even love others in the midst of my own pain. I could have many reasons to be sad, depressed, angry, broken down but I know that God’s word is true and he has made me new therefore I have many reasons to be joyful, hopeful, whole, knowing that I have been set free from all of it. He made me new when he truly opened my eyes to his hope and I know he traded my focus on my voids for his love (2 Corinthians 5:17). I know that his spirit is alive inside of me and as I’ve recited too many times to count, not I but Christ lives by faith in me and his word dwells in me richly (Galatians 2:20). I know that while I may not be healed completely, he is indeed healing me on this road of sanctification because I am forever growing, detaching myself from the world, expectations, and empty desires. I am learning to not put my hope in people but in Christ alone. I know that my life is a testimony and that I am made new day in and day out. I know that God has promises and that I will see the hope of his glory. Despite my own burdens, because of God’s grace, I have been able to be fueled by his spirit and continue in love. Romans 8:18-25 reads:

18For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us. 19For the anxious longing of the creation waits eagerly for the revealing of the sons of God. 20For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of Him who subjected it, in hope 21that the creation itself also will be set free from its slavery to corruption into the freedom of the glory of the children of God. 22For we know that the whole creation groans and suffers the pains of childbirth together until now. 23And not only this, but also we ourselves, having the first fruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, waiting eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our body. 24For in hope we have been saved, but hope that is seen is not hope; for who hopes for what he already sees? 25But if we hope for what we do not see, with perseverance we wait eagerly for it.

Hey Readers!

thanks for coming on here to check out what’s new — I hope you like something here.

I juuuust posted another fraction of a piece I’m working on but I wanted to come back to talk about a hot topic—one having to do with self-love and self-acceptance. These are topics often spoken about and what I love about them is that no matter where they are coming from, you can believe that someone has their own story to tell.

I have gone through many transitions and phases with myself and I know that a huge part of that is that I didn’t have a solid and close-knit support system outside of having a few close friends. I have had friends here and there, admirers but even out of the few friends that I had, I didn’t have a solid support system that could’ve impacted me in a way where it would’ve made a difference. Like many of us, we didn’t or don’t have cheerleaders in our corner. For me, that has been the result of growing up in foster care and when you go from house to house, no one quite checks for you. You become a memory to most while many of those who once embraced you, imparted love–some sort of blessing, but just never really knew —-it never dawned on them how much they were actually needed after I was gone.

I have come to terms with that as an adult still standing and still maintaining some of these relationships that didn’t start to be built until I started to really come in contact with the experience of what community and family really was. That started back in 2013. Even then, it was a very uncomfortable concept for a girl who just lived in a world all on her own. I was used to being the loner that I was taught to be—taught by a broken system and life. For the next 7 years of my life, I would relearn who God IS and would relearn friendships, relationships, self-love, and community—which is synonymous to family for me. This influenced me to the point of experiencing love and care in ways that I had never before. It put me on a current journey of learning to love others and even myself. It has brought me more joy and happiness. It has been my fulfillment only due to the fact that I am surrounded by loving people who love God’s Word enough to want to live it out. It has given me a hope that I once never knew and because of God’s goodness to me, it has allowed to not feel a loneliness that once overpowered me. I had been surrounded by many but I know whatever God wanted to do now in this season of my life, surely, he has been doing it.

In all of this, I still have had to learn to discover the love and acceptance of myself because while throughout high-school and college I was admired by friends and individuals who appreciated my gifts to write, my outer beauty, my ability to do anything or even how I moved in the world, it was never anything close enough to my heart to sustain a confidence to push me forward. The support was appreciated but it didn’t run deep enough for me. It wasn’t sustainable. It was surface. It was like a wind on a sunny day. It was flattering for a moment. It was the briefness of thoughtfulness but it was never depth. It was just the voice of aesthetics and human pleasures. It was just fleeting emotions of what appealed to human beings about what I did or who I was—who I couldn’t even see but it was not apart of the foundation that had already shaped my world: how I looked at everything, how I looked at others, how I looked at myself. Overtime, things would worsen. This handicap would grow large and effect my ability to move in the world—all the way into my adult life. All the way to even now.

But now has been shifting. Shifting to be something like breaking through a glass wall. No—more like breaking through a wall. No—more like cutting the thick, slimy tension of darkness that prevented me from seeing what light truly looks like. What God truly looks like. What I truly look like.

For so long, I have been afraid of being myself because while I moved from house to house and grew up and then went to college and became this “adult”, in the midst of trying to survive and being adequate for society, I didn’t realize what it meant to love myself.

I had put on shows for people and I had been told I was this and that but I did’t believe any of it because I didn’t believe in myself. A compliment didn’t do anything for me. When I left the only comfort and place for my “identity” had been established, home, I became apart of a new place where I didn’t know anyone. I became more afraid to be myself so I stopped being. My support system struggled enough back home and now here I was building an entirely new one—-I had been blessed with people who would embrace me but embracing them would take time and and accepting love would take time since it was giving in a way I had never quite received. I know that it wasn’t the place or being around new people that made all the difference but it was about God having an entirely different plan—one I had prayed about and envisioned before moving but I didn’t know how it would unfold. I am only thankful that I have what I have now, even if it’s temporary, it has truly been a blessing.

So I have been on a long journey of self-acceptance. I have been on a journey of turning off the voice of self-doubt and self-hate. I have been on a journey of learning to not think about what people think about me and it is not easy, especially in a cruel world. I have been on a journey of not internalizing anything mean or evil that someone has said to me or did to me. I have been on a journey of not ever feeling bad for myself for the background that God allowed me to have.

I have been on a journey of accepting the Marquita that I am now and not getting stuck on the Marquita I was before. I have been on a journey of learning to let go and forgive myself for every way that I harmed myself or another. I have been on a journey of not stopping myself from being myself—from doing the smallest things. I have been on a journey of learning to be free to be who I am without the need of anyone’s approval, or their criticism. Be free. Be free girl.

This journey has been quite freeing. It’s just the beginning and I believe having this blog is apart of it. I am thankful. Can’t tell you what tomorrow will bring but here I am.

I hope you were blessed.

Love,

Marquita

Hey Readers!

I’m taking a pause in my story since it’s late and it would take far more time for me to crank out s draft than it would for me to write about plants! 😊

Today was a very hot and tiring day. The AC is broken at my job, I ate breakfast pretty late and all day, making it my only meal for the day besides some scrambled eggs that I just ate. I couldn’t wait to leave from work because the heat was literally draining me.

On another note I was anticipating going to purchase more plants. I traveled across DC from Virginia just to get these beautiful plants. That is the most hiking I have done in a very long time after work.Little did I know how nice the area that I was going in was going to be. I had the opportunity to walk by beautiful plants, vines, and flowers of all sorts and capture footage including gardens with pretty little benches and so on. I think a woman saw me and was wondering what I was doing by the look on her face.

When I finally met up with Sarah I was so excited to see this beautiful green peace Lily plant. I felt like I adopted one of the most amazing things ever. Not to mention, my Rex Begonia, which was just as beautiful. I can’t describe fully the feeling of taking two plants home on the train and the bus. I know that people saw me and wondered what is she doing with those plants or we have a plant lady on our hands. It was a moment when I felt so proud to be walking with my brand new plants. I didn’t mind any of the attention. You know how when you have a really nice outfit on, or your hair is done right, or your make up is done right or whatever the case? That’s how I felt walking with plants like I was the baddest chic in DC.

For a while I had been putting off cleaning my dresser, cleaning out the hall closet and so on. But I was so excited to to make space for my plants and give them a new home. I did cluttered my dresser and organize the hall closet to move all the things to that location. Now all I have is a beautiful dresser filled with plants.

I named each one of my plants and my cactus.

So far we have peace, Rex, Maxine, Shirley, faith, hope, love, patience, Shaundell, and Yes but not least, gentle.

All of these Names Stands for something. Something or someone that I can always remember whenever I wake up to look at my plants, whenever I go to water them, whenever I go to trim them, whenever I go to repot them, whenever I come home, and whenever I decide to smell them or spend any type of time with them.

When life shows its ugly face, which it will do sometimes, or when challenges arise, or whatever the situation will be, these names will remind me of what I have to hold onto.

I will think of Maxine, my grandmother for inspiring me to start my plant journey. I will always have my mother to remember and encourage me and continue to go on my journey as she would have wanted me to do so and continue to grow. I ccan think of myself, Shaundell and remember that I am to still growing and when I look at one of my little plants I can remember that and I can see that oovertime as blooms take place. I can think of the peace that I have from God whenever things get shaky. I can think of patients, love, hope, faith, and gentle when life or people challenge me. I can remember that something beautiful, just as these plants, will come out of it.

Well that’s all readers. Thank you for taking the time and I hope you were able to be blessed song Lil way.

Hey ours Truly,

Shaundell

Leaving Boston happened with me hearing clearly from the Lord to look for jobs in D.C. Yes, specifically in D.C. I swear there was someone else in the room with me that day (lol I’m jk). When people ask me that, I still feel a little odd saying that that’s the reason because other than that, I didn’t have any reason to be in D.C! It was a surprise to me! I didn’t have D.C on my mind nor any specific place but if I had ever doubted the Lord’s voice before (and I sure did), I was confident in knowing that it was him right then and there because Marquita wasn’t planning to go anywhere. For some reason, hearing his voice felt like security. It felt safe and I had a sense of peace so I did not hesitate to do so.

When I left Boston on December 31st, 2014, it was like God-sent. I didn’t go out for new years and stayed home to complete my first vision board. I was offered a ride to the DMV, hours before leaving. When I left, we made a lovely stop in NY to visit friends and got a chance to walk through the city a bit. It was the first time I had learned about Busboys & Poets and Ben’s Chili Bowl haha–recommended that I go there. I had been to D.C once before in 2012 at the time when I visited VA for the first time and absolutely loved southern VA—little did I know that 2 years later I would living there. I came down with one little suitcase and two job interviews lined up.

I made my way down to the DMV and in less than 3 weeks, I landed the job that for the first time, paid me better than any job that I had. My plan was to stay in D.C for three weeks if I didn’t land either of those jobs.

A sista was struggling—for a number of years and being a millennial who graduated right within a recession served me right. The years after college were hard and depressing, especially for a young woman who already had her plate filled with many other things that a story couldn’t fully tell. Moving out of Boston, landing a better paying job, and living in a place where I felt much peace was literally my sunshine after rain.

I was the girl that wasn’t going anywhere because I was too afraid to take a leap. I had applied to jobs in other states and even got a call-back from a job in California but it didn’t go far but had it, I would’ve gone away from Boston sooner. There was a part of me that was still very afraid of leaving the nest and that’s simply because I was sheltered my whole life to the point that exploring new things was as limited as my ability to stay out passed the street lights, passed my neighbor’s house, passed a bike ride in my neighborhood.

I have yet to share about the details in visiting home. I know most people might think, hey it was going home, big deal. Some may even think I want to make a spectacle out of it but I promise you it’s not that. I didn’t get excited about visiting home until I was in the airport of Washington D.C. I got more excited when I landed and was filming in Boston Logan Airport. I was even more excited when I finally was back in familiar places with family and friends.

Even more excitement came when I realized that I didn’t feel the weight which I did when I last visited in 2017.

Stay tuned for Chapter 3

And thanks for reading! 🙂

Love,

Quita

I had left my job in June of 2014, traveled with my grandmother for the first time and for the first time ever leaving the states. I stayed away for about 3 weeks and had the best time of my life. I left in tears of joy, love, peace, and newness that I had gained and came back filled in a way that has never left me since. I didn’t work the rest of the year since prior, I had worked three jobs and saved enough money to travel and relax  and although I helped my dad with bills, groceries, or whatever was needed, it wasn’t like I was paying any market rent. I took the rest of the year to do the thing I loved most and that was write and do spoken-word performance. It was one of the greatest highlights of my life because I was doing what I absolutely loved on my free time and for free. They say your passion is found in the thing that you would do for free.

I did at least 5 shows, including my first song and hip-hop set, a short play, and I tell you, even that was a special time since I got the chance to work with my high school theatre teacher, as apart of her company, perform an amazing short play which in the process, I learned new things about myself, things that were hard to admit because I was very unhappy, and found the deeper actress within me. When I was in high-school, I always acted from a place of pain because that was all that I knew. It blocked me from experiencing true work with my characters—really being there. It was frustrating but working with Juanita allowed me to have a break-through and I begin to love acting all over again. I could have not been more ready to start a new chapter of my life so when I sorted out the details of my living situation, I was gone in no time.

Leaving didn’t happen on my own. I actually begin to look for work towards the Fall and landed a couple of interviews with a wonderful organization that spoke to me because it was an opportunity to work with youth in foster care. I was extremely happy but not all the way prepared. It hurt to not get that job but I seemed to be prepared for what was coming next….

Stay tuned for next post! I don’t want this one to be too long 🙂

Thanks for reading!

Hi Readers!

Excited to celebrate a third night of writing and to share something I’m learning more and more.

Im sitting back and looking at myself over time and over different stages and phases. I’m seeing where I was 7, 5, 4, and 2 years ago.

I’m seeing the big and small lessons I’ve been learning and I’m so thankful that I have been learning them.

Do you look back and see lessons that you’ve learned?

The last few years have been tough in terms of learning commitment towards the things I always speak about. Apart of the reason has been because I rush into doing something with a very big plan—a plan that that didn’t quite represent where I was in life in terms of discipline and experience.

Growing is a marathon. A journey. Most people desire something but they don’t want to go through the process of what it takes to get there. I’m realizing that what entrepreneurs always talk about is very true. You have to respect the process and you have to be willing to experience growing pains but you have to be persistent.

I love what Napoleon Hill mentions in his book, that success is back by persistence and determination.

You can fail and fail and fail but you should never give up. It might be why I have sounded like a broke record of speaking about certain things that I would do throughout my process because while I’m still growing into the person that I want to be, I’m never quitting. I’m always pushing.

I’ve experienced a lot of growth (which is just the beginning) in the past year and some change. I’m like wooooow this really works! Lol

All that to say, no matter what, keep going. Don’t mind what others are doing and saying, keep at what you’re doing and don’t even allow yourself to get discouraged by your own process. Be patient with yourself. Keep at it and you will see results

Love you Family!!!

😊❤️

Quita

Hi Readers,

It’s late! So I want to make this brief. I’m also eager to stay on top of writing as well—all day I was looking forward to this time.

I also realize that there is so much I would like to share but I would have to do a better job at planning the time to write it rather than a little before bed when I’m still trying to complete a few tasks.

Anywhoo, I’m thinking about patience which is what is on my mind tonight. More so because I am in the dating season and throughout my period of dating, I have wanted all the answers now, I’ve wanted to figure out all the steps now. Just straight up impatient. When you are dating towards marriage, it can be a little scary in the sense that you have to really consider a lifetime commitment and that is not something that you easily walk into.

I’m eager. Eager to want to know what the future holds and I tend to get a bit hasty and flustered at the same time. Whenever I face fears or when I’m not sure about how some things may play out, I tend to take matters into my own hands instead of trusting God. SLOW DOWN HENRY! Chill girl, enjoy the ride. Who told you that you needed all the answers now? It wouldn’t be quite healthy for you either. I have had to apologize for my impatience as it has caused me to react, respond, or behave in ways that aren’t helpful or healthy—when I say healthy, I mean for the maturity of our relationship and not in a way that’s detrimental.

anywhoo, the point is when you don’t have answers or when you can’t see everything all the way through, just know that it’s ok and you can trust God. You can pray alone, with loved ones, and you can confide in a trusted friend. You can practice patience, meaning, deal with what’s at hand even when it may be uncomfortable. Think of it like this: when there’s pain in the body, such as when a pregnant woman is having contractions or giving birth, or when simply you may just have pain, practice breathing because that helps relax the muscles and tension. When you do that, you can experience less pain. When we are faced with whatever in life or feeling hasty or flustered, breathe, and there you will discover new ways of dealing with your matters and it won’t seem as uncomfortable or painful.

Have a wonderful night Family.

Love,

Quita

Hello Friend,

Thank you for visiting! You’re probably one of the first people ever since I just launched this blog. For a recap, this blog is for my practice in writing and I named it the Incomplete Blog to make fun of the fact that I blog inconsistently. If you look back, I started the blog in January and proudly wrote for a month into February and then that was that. Now we are five months and some change away from the last time when I wrote. It was inevitable because I know my patterns, however, it was also inevitable that I would come back to write. I seriously enjoyed writing everyday (mostly) for a month and I learned a few things about myself as a writer; that of course I have so much to write about and thats the reason for my depth. Whenever I talk to close friends and loved ones, I am FULL of words lol .Those words were meant to be written down and shared.

Anywhoo, I won ‘t spend time unpacking where I have been and what I have been doing in THIS post but I promise I will unfold all of that as time goes on within my writing journey as I am oh so excited about that!

For starters, I will probably sound like a broken record because I may have mentioned time after time when I’m going to start my official blog and when I’m going to do this and that—but maybe I haven’t…I don’t know but I feel like I sound like a broken record so instead of telling people what I’m going to do I’m just going to take my baby steps and do it. That’s that.

Here I am back into the groove of  writing with the sole intent to write daily, as I am ignited. This past year, I have written far more than I have in awhile and everyday I think about writing. It excites me to continue on this journey.  It excites me to continue to explore my voice. As I was saying to my sister-friend, no one knows what it takes for you to get to a place where you break-through

the barriers,

the obstacles,

the setbacks,

the procrastination,

the doubt,

the self-inflicting pain,

the inconsistency,

the insecurities,

and the insanity….

until of course…your break-through, your new self, your push-through, your success tells them otherwise.

Anywhoo, stay tuned for more writing material and please, check out the earlier blog posts because I would like to believe that they’re pretty darn good to read 🙂 Of course that’s my opinion.

Peace and Blessings my lovely Readers – my heart goes out to you!

I

in so many ways

am holding on.

Clinging to the rock I stand on that feels wobbly beneath my stance.

I hang on

like the hook in an old poem of mine called, “She Hangs On”.

Dangling like loose beads on a worn bracelet.

I fear more.

Highs and lows got me so close to heaven and hell.

What am I saying right now readers? Just thought I would test the old gem again and share an incomplete poem. Most times when I feel something heavy, I only want to disguise my true words in fragmented sentences fancied by rhymes and wonders. I never want to express the full and translucent truth because…quite frankly…it’s just too much work and too much energy. It’s exhausting. I’d rather just stay sitting on the nail like a dog. But why? I just told you why. But really…why? Because I am broken. I’m broken just…like…Kim Kutledge. I think that’s why I loved her monologue so much. It reminded me of my self: