I’m super sleepy as I type and yet still, I always have so much to say. Last night after pushing through to plan and write, today, I had a very peaceful day at work. In fact, in my planning (if I haven’t mentioned already), I decided that I needed to incorporate an hour break. A real break. I realize that it has been impossible for me to take care of any personal business and it has been a huge setback. Also, I need to take a break (as that’s what it’s intended to be) and break away from work for a bit. Although it went quick (and I started late), it was so realizing. I left my cafe to go down the street to the other cute little cafe. Just my cup of tea 🙂 I had a cappuccino, ate lunch, and made a call. That was perfect. I felt prepared for the day and had the end in mind. I knew exactly what I was doing :). The ease was real.
The more I plan, the more I realize how much I really can’t live without it and that was my issue all along. I didn’t have a plan so I was just all over the place. It sure feels good to know where I am going within each hour of the day. I thought it was something so odd for me but it’s like I tapped into a part of me that was lonely! The organizational side that was starving for help! Heeelllllp meeeee.
I have been learning what it means to love. I remember when I would easily cut someone off at the first offense. I just couldn’t BELIEVE that they would DO such a THING to ME! lol That was me all of the time. Now it’s like, we fight, and we fight, and we fight and I love you more and more and more but it doesn’t come easy. I see why friendships and relationships end. Communication problems are the number one reason and communication can be very difficult because it’s a shared muscle that has to be built throughout the relationship. It’s how bonds are created. It’s developed through misunderstandings, personalities, and through getting to know someone. It’s very easy to give up and often it’s because of emotions that cloud our judgment, sometimes hurt and disappointment, but I believe that it’s ultimately because we have different paradigms and we have a hard time seeing and understanding other paradigms. We often want each other to live by how we see and understand the world and so we intend to force that onto those we love. Worse, sometimes the paradigms are unhealthy.
For me, I am learning what unconditional love looks like. You don’t know what loving someone is like until you’ve almost hated them. This is very well literal for some but I’m using it as figurative speech to just emphasize the pain that can come with loving others; the anger, the frustration, the sadness, the betrayal, and so forth. Relationships are always tested because we are flawed human beings and it’s in our nature to disappoint one another to some degree. It’s also within our nature to overcome the challenges of relationships. Some of us feel too hard and can’t handle the tension or being uncomfortable that comes with the territory of sustaining a relationship with someone; we quickly want out. Out can be very cowardly. Out can be a quitter. Out is sometimes a failure. Yet out is sometimes what is best.
Relationships aren’t perfect but love is because it can overcome anything that may seem impossible to overcome and that’s because God is love and nothing is impossible or too difficult for God. Ironically, while relationships are meant to be filled with joy and laughter, they also exist as reflections. They’re often hard ways of teaching us lessons and showing us hard things about ourselves that we can’t always see when it’s just us alone. Sometimes God places people in your life to show you who you are and what you need to work on. These things WILL come up in DUE time as long as you spend time with someone and get to know them because we can’t really hide who we are or our flaws; all of it is bound to show.
But the real question is, can you still love someone in spite of who they are? In spite of their ways that bug you? Is it worth it? Is it safe? Is it healthy? Is it even them?
The answer is that love should always be no matter what because “what does love got to do with it?”. We are so quick to put everything in the name of love and blame love for heartache, mishaps, misfortunes, ruins, despair etc but really it’s just flawed nature. Don’t mistaken what I’m saying for tolerating any level of harm or toxicity. Don’t even mistaken it for accepting someone’s harm towards you in a way that would force you to still be around them. No, not that. But forgiveness. Patience. Kindness. And being able to live freely because of the power of love.
Love is God and all the beautiful things He embodies so how then can we keep love from one another? How then can we not love because we were hurt while “in love”? Well, we can’t go on blaming love, we gotta continue this wonderful free gift. See, when Jesus died on the cross for humanity, he didn’t give us any conditions. He made Himself available to the world despite the world. Despite His pain, hurt, anger, and betrayal. We are so called to love that way too.
I’m learning to love despite flaws of human nature because it’s not love’s fault. We just gotta press on in the name of love. Now thats worth mentioning in the name of love. We are to become like little children who are quick to forgive and innocent in their ways. Love is free to be love and doesn’t withstand chains.
Anywhoo, it’s time for bed.
Good night readers,
P.S New habits are starting to form…